Mastering Social Anxiety: Evidence-Based Strategies for Leaders and Professionals

Clinical psychologist Dr. Jacqueline Sperling shares evidence-based strategies for managing social anxiety in professional settings. Learn practical techniques to transform anxiety from a limiting factor to a source of strength in leadership.
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In this episode, Dr. Jacqueline Sperling, Harvard Medical School professor and author of "Find Your Fierce," reveals practical, evidence-based strategies for managing social anxiety in professional settings. Discover the "Stop, Drop, and Roll" technique, how to address catastrophizing in team members, and why values-based approaches are essential for leadership resilience.

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TL;DL

What’s the difference between normal anxiety and social anxiety that needs managing?

Normal anxiety is a universal, adaptive emotion that helps you prepare for future challenges, like feeling nervous before a big presentation. Social anxiety becomes problematic when it starts bossing you around, meaning it consistently interferes with your ability to function in work or social settings. If you avoid speaking up, attending meetings, or sharing ideas because of fear of judgment, even when you know logically it’s safe, that’s a sign it may be time to apply evidence-based strategies like those Dr. Sperling outlines.

Can leaders really use anxiety as a leadership strength?

Yes. Anxiety signals that something matters to you, whether it’s delivering quality work, being respected, or contributing meaningfully. The key isn’t to eliminate anxiety but to harness it. Leaders who learn to recognize anxious thoughts (e.g., “I’ll look foolish if I speak up”) and reframe them (“My idea could help the team, even if it’s not perfect”) turn anxiety into focused energy rather than avoidance. As Dr. Sperling notes, anxiety can be adaptive, it just shouldn’t be in the driver’s seat.

How do I support a team member who catastrophizes without enabling them?

Start with empathy, not correction. In a private one-on-one, say something like: “I’ve noticed when we talk about project risks, you often imagine worst-case outcomes. I appreciate how much you care, but I’m curious what’s behind that.” Then listen. Normalize their concern, but gently invite data. Finally, co-create a small behavioral experiment, like testing a new approach in a low-stakes meeting, to gather real-world evidence.

Does mindfulness actually help with workplace anxiety?

Mindfulness is about anchoring yourself in the present when anxiety pulls you into future fears. Simple practices like noticing five things you see, four you can touch, or focusing on your breath for 30 seconds can interrupt spiraling thoughts. Research shows regular mindfulness strengthens emotional regulation. And as Dr. Sperling points out, it’s a muscle: the more you practice, the faster you can return to calm during high-pressure moments.

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Understanding Anxiety as a Leadership Tool

Most of us have experienced that moment before an important meeting where our heart starts racing, our palms get sweaty, and our mind goes blank. For some, this is an occasional occurrence. For others, it’s a daily reality that affects their ability to lead effectively. But anxiety isn't something to eliminate completely, it’s something to understand and harness.

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Anxiety is a universal human experience and according to Dr. Jacqueline Sperling, a clinical psychologist, Harvard Medical School professor, and author of Find Your Fierce: How to Put Social Anxiety in Its Place, anxiety is actually an adaptive emotion that helps us prepare for future challenges. Anxiety is under that umbrella [of universal emotions], but it's not about an imminent threat. It's about something about the future. So you're worrying about the future. And it can help you be prepared. It can be adaptive.

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The key insight here is that anxiety becomes problematic not when it exists, but when it starts bossing us around, and controlling our actions rather than serving as a helpful signal. For leaders, understanding this distinction is crucial. In today’s fast-paced, high-stakes business environment, the ability to manage anxiety effectively is essential for sustained leadership success.

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The Three-Component Model for Anxiety Management

At the heart of Dr. Sperling’s approach is what she calls the three-component model, which recognizes the interconnected nature of thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. This foundational concept in cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) provides the framework for understanding how anxiety operates and how we can effectively manage it.

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How Thoughts, Feelings, and Behaviors Interact

Unlike traditional approaches that view anxiety as primarily a cognitive issue, Dr. Sperling explains that the three component model involves thoughts, feelings, and behavior, and they are connected with multi-directional arrows. So it doesn't just start with a thought and then that affects your feelings and then it affects your behavior. They all can affect each other.

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This understanding is crucial for developing effective strategies. When we recognize that changing one component can positively impact the others, we gain multiple entry points for intervention. For example, modifying our behavior (like practicing mindfulness) can alter our thoughts and feelings, even if we’re not directly addressing the thoughts themselves.

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The “Stop, Drop, and Roll” Technique

One of the most practical tools Dr. Sperling shares is her “Stop, Drop, and Roll” technique for managing anxious thoughts:

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  1. Stop: When you notice your mood changing (feeling worried, sad, or angry), pause and acknowledge how you’re feeling
  2. Drop: Identify what you’re thinking and recognize unhelpful thought patterns like catastrophizing
  3. Roll: Use specific questions to challenge those thoughts and develop more helpful alternatives

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This technique is particularly powerful because it’s designed to be used in the moment, when anxiety strikes. As Dr. Sperling explains, if feelings of worry, sadness or anger come up, that's when you stop. And then you identify how you're feeling. 

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Why This Works for Leaders

For leaders, this approach offers several advantages:
– It creates a structured response to anxiety rather than reactive behavior
– It helps maintain emotional regulation during high-stakes interactions
– It models healthy emotional management for team members
– It prevents anxiety from driving decisions that might not serve long-term goals

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Building Confidence Through Gradual Exposure

Another cornerstone of Dr. Sperling’s approach is the use of gradual exposure techniques, which she explains using the powerful swimming pool analogy. This method recognizes that building confidence requires incremental steps rather than dramatic leaps.

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Creating Your Anxiety Ladder

For leaders and professionals, this means breaking down challenging situations into smaller steps. For example, if speaking up in meetings causes anxiety, you might:

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  1. Share an idea with one trusted colleague in a one-on-one setting
  2. Share an idea in a small group meeting where your boss isn't present
  3. Ask a question in a larger meeting before sharing a full idea
  4. Share a well-prepared idea in a meeting where you feel confident
  5. Share a less certain idea in a meeting

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Each step builds confidence and provides evidence that the feared outcome (negative judgment) doesn't necessarily occur. This evidence-based approach helps rewire the brain's fear response over time.

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The Power of Behavioral Experiments

Dr. Sperling emphasizes the importance of collecting data through behavioral experiments. For instance, if you believe “I'll be most productive if I take zero breaks,” you could:

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  1. First half of the week: Work with no breaks
  2. Rate mood and productivity before and after each day
  3. Second half of the week: Implement regular breaks
  4. Compare results to determine what actually enhances productivity

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This scientific approach to self-understanding helps replace assumptions with evidence, leading to more effective strategies.

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Values-Based Leadership in Anxious Times

One of the most powerful insights from Dr. Sperling’s work is the importance of connecting anxiety management to personal values. This approach transforms anxiety from something to be eliminated into something that can guide us toward what matters most.

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Starting with Values

A helpful place to start when working through anxiety is by reconnecting with your core values. Ask yourself what truly matters to you and consider what you’d be doing more of if anxiety weren’t calling the shots.

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For leaders, this means identifying core values that guide decision-making and behavior, even during uncertain times. Values like integrity, growth, connection, and service provide a compass when anxiety might otherwise lead to reactive decisions.

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The “And” Approach to Uncertainty

In times of disruption, a simple but powerful language shift can make a big difference, using “and” instead of “but” when naming challenges. For example, instead of saying, “There’s a lot of uncertainty, but we need to focus on work,” try, “There’s a lot of uncertainty, and we need to focus on work.” This small change holds space for both the difficulty and the need to move forward. It validates the emotional reality while still anchoring the team in purposeful action.

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Mental Health as Daily Hygiene

Dr. Sperling makes a compelling case for treating mental health as daily hygiene. You don’t just brush your teeth when you have cavities, hopefully. You brush them twice a day to keep the cavities at bay and to have dental hygiene. You need to take care of your emotional well-being similarly.

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For leaders, this means incorporating regular practices like:
– Sleep hygiene (consistent bedtimes, no screens before bed)
– Physical activity (even short walks)
– Social connection (regular check-ins with colleagues)
– Mindfulness practices (even brief breathing exercises)

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These aren't just nice-to-haves, they're essential components of sustainable leadership.

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“So there are seven universal emotions that all humans across the planet experience. And one is an umbrella. So there's fear. And that is when there is an imminent threat to your safety. So tiger in the jungle, back in the day, or a fire, right? That's an imminent threat to your safety. Anxiety is under that umbrella, but it's not about an imminent threat. It's about something about the future. So you're worrying about the future. And it can help you be prepared. It can be adaptive.” -Jacqueline Sperling

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Anxiety as a Leadership Asset

The most transformative insight from Dr. Sperling’s work is that anxiety doesn't have to be the enemy of effective leadership. When understood and managed properly, it can actually serve as a valuable signal that helps us prepare for challenges and connect more authentically with others.

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Anxiety isn’t about an imminent threat. It's about something about the future. So you're worrying about the future. And it can help you be prepared and adaptive.

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The goal isn't to eliminate anxiety entirely, but to develop a relationship with it that serves our leadership goals. By using evidence-based techniques like the three-component model, gradual exposure, and values-based approaches, we can transform anxiety from something that controls us into something that guides us.

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Remember that managing anxiety is a journey, not a destination. As Dr. Sperling notes, “You don't just go to the gym once and lift weights and you're in shape for life. And so just gently bring your mind back to the present moment and then you can strengthen that muscle.”

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The most effective leaders are those who know how to work with it to achieve their goals and support their teams. By applying these evidence-based strategies, you can develop the resilience and emotional intelligence needed to lead effectively through any challenge.

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Ready to find your fierce?

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Did you like this article on Finding Your Fierce? Does it help you become a better leader? Then check out these articles to help hone those skills even further:

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Craig Dowden

CEO
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